I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Randomize
