we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
Randomize
