Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
