id be glad to
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
