Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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