It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
