what day is it and did you see me today?
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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