Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
