I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
