Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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