life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
