just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
