Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
