You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
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