if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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