I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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