Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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