Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
