so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
