Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
