I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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