so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
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