this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Such a big mess for such a small penis
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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