Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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