I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
i will never coherently bang her
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
