If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
