Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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