Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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