SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
