how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
