I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
Randomize
