I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
