I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
