So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
