the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
