Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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