"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
