Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
Randomize
