I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
She's the barista slut.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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