OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
