In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
