im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
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