Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize