thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
