i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
I just found a bag of teeth...
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
My bed smells like the plague
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
