i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
