Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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