i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
