so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
