I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Randomize
