I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
A+ Viking dick
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
