I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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