A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Randomize
