If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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