you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
