proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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