dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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