Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
You can't special order awesome
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Randomize
