I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
You can't special order awesome
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
