ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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