i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
