Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
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