I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Randomize
