i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
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