Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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