thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Randomize
