in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Randomize
