Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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