I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
