I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
