cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
