ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
