I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
