tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize