I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
You are a genius and a whore.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
