my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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