So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
