so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
