Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
