I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize