What did I eat last night that was bloody?
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
