its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
