I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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