I just saw a hot homeless man
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
