If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize