who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
